You get what everyone else gets-you get a lifetime

re-ann-cassandra asked: hi! I was looking up tag #mcr shoes and your post came up. I am actually looking to buy an mcr shoes like the one on your post, it can be different designs though, but do you perhaps know where I can buy one? a fanmade merch is awesome. post/10453630832

I made mine actually. If you want a pair, just let me know your shoe size, a picture of the design, and I can give you quote if you’re interested? 

daspatch:

AHHHH, my greatest MySpace friend. I met you when you were dating a guy named travis (I think). Asshole didn’t accept me as a friend. Funny, intelligent girl. This sounds like a dating profile. You’re going to be quite the lawyer and if I ever need to know a thing or two about MCR, I know where to go.

Love you, MySpace friend. :D

I have no idea why I’m writing this. I haven’t blogged in two years. But maybe I just haven’t had a reason to. I guess I just wanna post my thoughts somewhere, because I don’t really know where else to put them. It’s kind of overwhelming and completely not something I’m used to, so I’m just in a rambling mood.

As the title says, I had a really cool 10 days. I went to Connecticut to visit my boyfriend. Yeah, boyfriend. Me, the boy-hating asexual freak finally developed feelings somehow. I sure as hell hear the whole “Forever alone” bullshit cries from lonely girls in their late teenage years, but I legitimately never wanted a relationship, or anything close to it. I wanted nothing to do with feelings, commitment, attachment, vulnerability, dependability. Those words scared me to do death, and to be perfectly honest, they still do, and they probably always will. But apart from fear, they just didn’t interest me in the least bit. There was no one that could keep my attention for longer than a day. I didn’t care to get to know anyone in a way that would lead to anything other than friendship. I didn’t see a point.

Then I started talking to him frequently, and for some reason, I started seeing the point. This sounds all so stupid and cliche, and I realize it. But I guess I quit trying to not sound stupid and cliche; I guess I realized that I wasn’t actually being strong and independent, but just a scared, bitter, little girl. For the first time in years, I found myself actually wanting to learn more. I actually wanted to listen, rather than just ramble about myself and my stupid jokes for hours. And after we hung out, I knew I’d hate myself if I didn’t try to knock down at least some of my walls.

We - as well as people that matter to me - have had to make a lot of sacrifices, and it’s impossible to predict whether said sacrifices are ever actually worth it. But in the meantime, I have noticed myself smiling a lot more often, so I guess that counts for something, right?

But I’m going off topic again - my past 10 days have been nothing short of stupendous. We laughed, we played, we visited so many places I never have seen, we ate so much vegan food, I met so many members of his welcoming family and friends, we had stupid car sing-alongs, we even slow danced and I don’t even recall there being music playing, we watched movies, he took me to FOURTEEN different Targets, etc etc etc. A few of those things are probably things that I would’ve puked at myself over if months ago. We did more things together in those 10 days than I’ve done with a moron I was with for a year and a half. I’m not the type to compare, at all, but it’s just a funny thing to point out: how little time matters, because different people are just that different from one another. I spent over 3 years over-generalizing the male population that I forgot to consider that possibility. Doesn’t mean I’m any less taken by surprise though. 

I am smitten.